Blessing or Curse?

Overheard at church yesterday: "My daughter's having her third baby in four years. I hope she's not going to be like [name of a mutual friend who has a large family] and keep going."


It's an understatement to say I was shocked.

Here was someone who is respected in our congregation for her insight and maturity and godliness, and yet she said that. It seems that as Christians we are willing to admit that children are a blessing (as the Bible says) but only if you stop at two or, at the most, three children. After that, people's views seem to change (I suspect as the selfish nature asserts itself).

I'm certainly no stranger to comments like this.

Our first son was born one year and one week and one day after our first wedding anniversary. After the old ladies in the church did the math on their fingers and realised it was 'all right', we started getting hints that we were selfish, immature and irresponsible to have a child so soon after marriage. It would be better if we'd waited until we were more established in our careers or had bought our own home or had made sure our marriage was secure or had done all the things we wanted to do like travel or had saved up more money before we had children, they said.

Very few saw it as a blessing that we were having a child in the first year of marriage. Yet as well as saying that children are a blessing, the Bible also says that the purpose of marriage is to raise godly children. Who has it right? Man in his fallible wisdom, or God?

And it got worst. I can distinctly remember being pregnant with my fourth child and out in public with my other three sons when a complete stranger came up to me and said, "I know what you're trying for." I wanted to say: "I'm sorry, but no you don't. We believe that children are a gift from God and we don't care whether God gives us another son or a daughter." I was outraged that people thought the only reason we were having another child was because we were after one of a particular s*x.

Sadly, Christians were sometimes the worst with their comments. Like the lady who hadn't seen me for a while and then saw me at a funeral and screamed out, "Not again!" Other comments were not always kind or polite.

Then there was the dear old lady who whispered to me after my fifth son was born, "Didn't you want a daughter?" Sometimes you just have to laugh!

However, I will never forget the little girl, about three years of age, who came up to me when I attended church with my fourth son for the first time. Her mother had recently lost a baby at around 15 weeks and wasn't able to have more.

After spending some time looking at this brand new baby, she said, "You have a baby boy."

I agreed it was so.

"Another baby boy."

Yes, that was true.

"You have four boys now."

I couldn't argue with that.

She sighed. "You're so lucky."

I know. I know.