Country Roads, Rain and A Trembling Heart

DH and I joke that we've always wanted to live in the country hence the reason for our driveway looking like a deeply rutted country road. It's a disgrace and one day hopefully we'll finally get around to fixing it up, but for the moment it's our little bit of country living in the middle of town.

When it rains the potholes fill up with water. And rain it did last night. I woke at 2.00 am to the sound of heavy rain on the roof. Some time during the night it stopped raining and it hasn't rained all day but I almost wish it had. It was so cold outside with the children and all I wanted to do was go back inside in the warmth! But it was not to be.

Why is it that children don't seem to feel the cold the way we older folks do?

After work I rushed home to pick up a parcel and some letters to post and then stopped in at the post office. Afterwards I went to pick up Son#4 from school. He wasn't expecting me - he had classes after school for scholarship exams - but since it was so cold and bleak and dark for that time of day I thought I'd be kind and save him walking home.

I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

I decided that I must have somehow missed him so I rang home but he wasn't at home.

I waited some more.

I rang home again. He still wasn't home.

I got out of the car and walked the length of the school. A few students were obviously waiting for parents but my son wasn't amongst them. The school gates were locked and most of the rooms dark. I had no idea what to do next.

So I started to panic.

Not wanting to deal with this alone I rang DH but I was out of money on my cellphone and so I asked him to ring me back. Before he had a chance to do so, Son#4 rang. He was at home safe and sound. I breathed a prayer of thanksgiving. When we compared stories he must've walked right past my car but I didn't see him and he didn't see me. Weird!

DH thinks it's funny that I panic. I've only ever seen him panic once - when it appeared that Son#1 had failed to arrive at his destination despite having left home several hours earlier to make the 3-hour drive. Perhaps panic in these situations is reserved just for mothers. Perhaps that's why children have both fathers and mothers.

As parents we love our kids but there are times when that knowledge is particularly painful. When they're sick or hurting or - like today - missing, we are deeply aware of feeling love for our children. We're reminded once again of why they are so precious to us and we stand trembling at the possibility of a future without them. And when they're safely returned to us we can only feel a deep thankfulness to our Heavenly Father who loves our children even more than we do and who watches over them 24/7.


Noel said…
That panicky feeling is not a good feeling. The only time I've experience it is in situations with my children. Emotions are a powerful thing!
SchnauzerMom said…
I'm glad that everything turned out OK. Our Heavenly Father knows what it's like to lose a Son.
Noel said…
on the facebook home page to the right at the top is a settings tab. I clicked on it and it took me to a page that had a deactivate link. it was pretty far down on the list - I almost missed it, but I clicked on that and then it was easy. I don't know what all the fuss is about facebook and twitter - I enjoy a little bit of blogging much more and then I get off the computer :)
Jules said…
Thanks Noel. It seemed to work this time. I don't "get it" when it comes to Facebook. It left me cold. I'd rather blog and read blogs and visit a few online forums dedicated to specific interests (such as long hair or prayer). Thanks for passing the info on.
Jen said…
That feeling of panic is such a horrible feeling. I have had that happen a few times with Evie when I couldn't find her. I remember calling my hubby because I looked everywhere outside and I couldn't find her. She had gone to the next door neighbors, and hadn't told me. When I found her, I just took her by the hand and walked her home, and sobbed with relief and thankfulness the whole way home. Unless you are a mom, you just don't understand that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach when you can't find your child.

By the way, I love your graduation pics! Your son looks so much like you, and his fiance is beautiful. And that granddaughter truly is adorable :).