It's not easy coming to terms with the fact that your life is about to change and while not necessarily for the worse it won't be for the better either. It will be different: a brand of different that I'm not entirely comfortable with and yet it's no different than what thousands of women have had to embrace before me.
Yet I feel that I'm no longer useful ... no longer needed. I try to tell myself that God has a plan for this stage of my life that is just as crucial as the plan for the last stage ... but I'm struggling to see how or what that can be.
Yes, my youngest has left home. After weeks (months?) of asking him what he needed to prepare himself for a life away from home, we still had to make a dash to the shops to pick up last minute items. It gave me something to do - which was probably a good thing.
Plans of a last dinner together as a family came to nought when DH rang to say he'd been held up. I know there was nothing he could do about it and perhaps it's God's way of making me lean on Him instead of others, but I just could have done with his support sooner.
So ... Son#4 is home for a few more days still which perhaps will help me transition ... and while I certainly won't feel like a celebratory dinner once he's gone too, it might give me something else to think about if DH and I plan to go out for dinner that night.
However, with no children left at home, what will we talk about!