You Know You Are A Long Hair When ...

• At times you have more food items in your bathroom cupboards than you do in your kitchen cupboards;
• You think about cutting your hair frequently but know you never will;
• You invoke the two-week rule ... every two weeks;
• You know what the two-week rule is;
• You Google hairstyles for extra long hair and wonder why all the photos show women with hair at shoulder length;
• You spend half an hour doing a hairstyle that the tutorial assures you only takes five minutes only to have it fall out as you leave the house;
• You can't do any of the cute hairstyles for long hair that you find on Pinterest;
• You are constantly getting your hair caught in seatbelts, doors, purse straps, etc;
• People ask you how you go to the bathroom (seriously);
• People give you unsolicited hair advice ("You should cut your hair," "You'd look so cute with a bob," or, my favourite, "You could be attractive if you'd only cut your hair");
• People often comment on how long your hair is in a tone that implies they are telling you something you don't know;
• You have several inches cut off and NO ONE notices;
• You are made to feel selfish for not donating your hair;
• You forego anything that damages your hair which means that if you don't fit into the 0.001% of long hair people with perfect hair texture, you are always sporting a slightly 'wild' look;
• Children ask you why you're wearing earrings in your hair (true);
• You have hair toys to match every outfit;
• You are always looking for the perfect hair care routine;
• You know more than the average person what is in your shampoo and the various properties of Shea butter, coconut oil, and a whole range of essential oils;
• You use abbreviations such as ACV, EVOO, CO, WO, SO, CWC, S&S, and no 'poo;
• You live in mortal dread of getting head lice;
• Getting close to another person is fraught with difficulty;
• You frequently find yourself pinned down by your hair;
• Search and destroy is not a new computer game but what you do to split ends;
• You spend less time on your hair than most people with short hair that you know yet people still assume you must take hours with it (um, folks, a bun takes three minutes tops);
• You are easily recognisable from the back;
• You frequently have hair nightmares where you cut it all off;
• You're too scared to tell people your hair care routine in case they think you're weird;
• You have a phobia about hair salons and about scissor-wielding stylists in general (which is funny because I work with two former hair stylists);
• You feel sad whenever someone you know with long hair cuts theirs short;
• You feel that you're not keeping step with the rest of the world when it comes to hair fashion and you don't care - or you do care but you can't do anything about it because you are seriously a long hair at heart.