Clipped Wings

I can't fly.

I'm grounded.

My wings are clipped.

Life is weighing me down.

At times I battle despondency to such a degree that I find it hard to carry on. Apart from my husband, no one knows how deep and ugly the despair becomes. I hide it from my family, my friends, my kids, my church, my colleagues.

It can be triggered by tiredness, by stress, by hormones. Usually it's a combination.

Last night I crawled into bed, tears pouring down my face after an episode of extreme self-loathing and, curled up in bed, I tried praying.

God heard me.

And answered.

Isaiah Forty-three.

Um, that's my blog verse isn't it? The one about eagles' wings?

Isaiah Forty-three.

Yeah, my blog verse. I'm sure it's from there somewhere. Or is it perhaps from Isaiah forty? Does it matter?

Isaiah Forty-three.

Okay, okay.

I reached over the side of the bed and picked up my Bible and turned to Isaiah forty-three.

But now thus saith the LORD that created thee ... and He that formed thee ... Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art Mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the LORD thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour ... thou wast precious in My sight ... and I have loved thee ... Fear not: for I am with thee (taken from the first five verses of Isaiah 43).

I felt the strength coming back into my wings.

I'd received a gift.

A love letter

For me.

From the Lord God who redeemed me. From a God who loves me and in Whose sight I am precious.

A love letter. From God at a time when I desperately needed it. A love letter that reminded me that I'm not alone - that God will see me through this time.

A love letter. From a God who cares. Cares for me - as tiny and insignificant as I am. A God who understands my darkest days because He knows me - He made me.

A love letter that will enable me to spread my wings and fly because He will never ever let me fall.

Comments

April said…
That's a beautiful post Jules. I can't tell you how many times God has lifted me out of trying times even when I was stuck in the midst of it. For some reason I have never blamed God for any of my troubles, thinking it was just meant to be. I have a hard time questioning God for some reason. I don't mind asking though. :) There is a difference, I think.
SchnauzerMom said…
It's so important that we keep our eyes on Him. Like Peter when he got out of the boat to walk on the water to Jesus. As long as he looked at the Lord he was alright. When he looked around he got scared and started to sink.
Jules said…
Thanks April and SM. It wasn't an easy post to write and even harder to hit the publish button. I appreciate your support and encouragement.
bunches of yarn said…
Hi Jules: God is so cool! (I mean that in the most respectful way!)

Yesterday I, too, had a 'heavy and oppressive' day (this happens very seldom) nevertheless, it was horrible. I thought it was the cloudiness, as we've had rain storm after rain storm, and not any sunshine. I thought I was being overly sensitive to the cloud cover, and prayed and asked the Lord to show me what to do...after a while the song from Isaiah 61 came to mind, and I began to sing it, louder and louder, as I drove back home from shopping. In a few minutes I was not 'down in the dumps' anymore and in a few more minutes the sun shone through, and the skies cleared. Thank you Lord.
I'm sure you know it: "He gave me beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, I am a tree of righteousness, the planting of the Lord...and Jesus is glorified."
Here is the actual scripture: "To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified." Isa 61:3

Praising the Lord is the first thing I should think of doing...
^__^
Jules said…
Hi bunchesofyarn. The Word tells us that God inhabits the praises of His people. So praise should definitely be the first step. Thanks for reminding me. :)
Unknown said…
I wanted to address something that you wrote. You said, "He cares for me..as tiny and insignificant as I am." You are not tiny and insignificant! According to the Word, when we accept Christ we become His child. His child! He adopts us into His family (Eph 1:5). I know that you don't view a single one of your children as tiny and insignificant, and God doesn't view His children that way either. Satan wants to try and tell us that we are not important in God's eyes, but satan is the father of lies. The Bible says satan comes to steal, to kill and to destroy (John 10:10). Jesus said in John 17:23 "I in them, and you in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that you have sent me, and have loved them, as you have loved me." That verse says that the Father God loves us as much as He loves Jesus! So if He love you as much as He loves Jesus, then you are not tiny and insignificant. So those times where you are feeling self-loathing, look at verses that tell you who you are in Christ. John 8:32 says, "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."