It's ironic that the last topic for the blog party is one that over time I've done well and also one that I've done really badly. At the moment I'm doing it ... badly.
Yesterday morning, fifteen minutes before we were due to walk out the door, my sons informed me that there was no bread for lunches. Now I don't eat bread and my family is meant to inform me when it's getting low so that I can either make or buy more. However they didn't say anything and so I didn't do anything about it. BUT I had realised a few days earlier that it was getting low and should've ensured there was enough. But I didn't. I knew I'd let my family down and I felt bad. (DH said it was not my fault but I'm afraid this is one of those rare occasions where he's wrong: it was my fault and I should've done something about it, however eight o'clock on a school morning is not a good time to do something about it.)
I share this to show you that I'm human and mess-up just like everyone else. Now on to some of my thoughts on being a keeper at home (and I don't expect everyone to agree with me).
1. Household chores are the wife's responsibility. Let me say that again: the wife is responsible for the housework. Now before you click off my page let me explain further.
I'm not saying that a husband can't or shouldn't help out in the house. Not at all. In fact my family would often eat much later than they already do if my husband didn't help with preparing dinner most nights. What I am saying is that the wife has been given the responsibility of caring for the home. My DH works hard all day and he shouldn't have to come home and be expected to do the housework too. I've heard of families where the chores are shared equally even when the wife stays home, but I think this is hardly fair. Of course there are other factors that may have to be taken into consideration, such as the wife's health, but generally the role of keeper of the home falls to the wife.
One of the best pieces of advice I was given when I returned to work was to manage my hours so that I was still able to fulfil my household responsibilities. This is one reason why I only work part-time - so that I have the energy and time to ensure that my household is cared for and running smoothly (there are other reasons such as I want to be home when my children are home and I don't want to give all my energy to a job outside the home, but caring for my home is one thing I took into consideration when planning my hours - and please don't suggest a cleaning lady - to me that is simply an abdication of my role and duties - I won't go there).
2. Every family should decide on an acceptable standard of housekeeping. If your husband likes the house to be clean and tidy with nothing out of place when he arrives home from work but you prefer to live in a creative mess, then there's going to have to be some compromise. My suggestion is that you may have to work hard at ensuring one room - perhaps the living room - meets his expectations. And he may have to realise that when you're home all day with children that it's impossible to have your home looking like a magazine cover (does anyone's house ever look like that in real life anyway?). For our family this was never a big issue: my housekeeping standards are generally much higher than my husband's expectations. He however does have some funny quirks: such as failing to see that the floors are spotless, the windows shining, no speck of dust to be seen anywhere, and not a thing out of place but noticing the cobwebs in the corners. I've had to learn to pay more attention to cobwebs!
3. Children can help with housework from an early age. I know, I know, sometimes it's easier to do it yourself but we're not doing our kids any favours by not including them. Through helping with housework children learn valuable skills (they're not going to be at home for the rest of their lives - one day they very well may need to know how to clean a toilet or make a bed) and build character traits (such as perseverance when they complete an uninspiring job).
At the beginning of each year I usually draw up a chore chart for my children but with the recent changes to our household, I still haven't done this. I need to sit down with them and figure out a way that works for everyone and then perhaps I won't feel that I'm going crazy trying to do it all myself (see, I said I was doing it badly at the moment - I don't even practice what I preach).
4. Home is where the heart is. Your house doesn't have to be the flashest in the street to be a home. We live in a ninety-six-year-old house that has a leaky roof, worn carpets, stained wallpaper, and peeling paint. One day - one day - we'll get around to fixing it up - but in the meantime it's home. I don't get upset about knocks or spills because no one will notice them anyway! Nor do I allow myself to focus on all the faults of our home (and 'allow' is the operative word because some days - not many I'm pleased to admit - it's hard not to focus on everything that is wrong with our house).
If your home sounds like mine there are two important things you can do to make it a home (and I'll start with the lesser one first):
Beautify it. It may be quilts (I have them on beds, walls, sofas, anywhere), cross-stitch pieces, photos, flowers, children's drawings, etc. Even an empty bottle with a few flowers is better than nothing. Do whatever you can to make your home beautiful even if you can't tackle the more expensive repairs such as replacing the roof or the carpet. Look at the small things that you can do something about and you might be surprised at the difference. And attack those household chores for a clean home is more appealing than a dirty messy one (and you thought you'd heard the last of housework).
Attitude. There are homes out there that are the latest in fashion and technology and yet are cold and lifeless inside. Make your home a place where family and friends want to be. Focus on what's important - people - and forget about that outlandish orange wallpaper with flowers the size of dinner plates. There is nothing more beautiful than a home filled with love and laughter, where the family members know they are valued and respected, where the parents are not interested in temporal things, but are building up treasures in heaven. That's what truly makes a home and that's our role as keepers of the home.
Yesterday morning, fifteen minutes before we were due to walk out the door, my sons informed me that there was no bread for lunches. Now I don't eat bread and my family is meant to inform me when it's getting low so that I can either make or buy more. However they didn't say anything and so I didn't do anything about it. BUT I had realised a few days earlier that it was getting low and should've ensured there was enough. But I didn't. I knew I'd let my family down and I felt bad. (DH said it was not my fault but I'm afraid this is one of those rare occasions where he's wrong: it was my fault and I should've done something about it, however eight o'clock on a school morning is not a good time to do something about it.)
I share this to show you that I'm human and mess-up just like everyone else. Now on to some of my thoughts on being a keeper at home (and I don't expect everyone to agree with me).
1. Household chores are the wife's responsibility. Let me say that again: the wife is responsible for the housework. Now before you click off my page let me explain further.
I'm not saying that a husband can't or shouldn't help out in the house. Not at all. In fact my family would often eat much later than they already do if my husband didn't help with preparing dinner most nights. What I am saying is that the wife has been given the responsibility of caring for the home. My DH works hard all day and he shouldn't have to come home and be expected to do the housework too. I've heard of families where the chores are shared equally even when the wife stays home, but I think this is hardly fair. Of course there are other factors that may have to be taken into consideration, such as the wife's health, but generally the role of keeper of the home falls to the wife.
One of the best pieces of advice I was given when I returned to work was to manage my hours so that I was still able to fulfil my household responsibilities. This is one reason why I only work part-time - so that I have the energy and time to ensure that my household is cared for and running smoothly (there are other reasons such as I want to be home when my children are home and I don't want to give all my energy to a job outside the home, but caring for my home is one thing I took into consideration when planning my hours - and please don't suggest a cleaning lady - to me that is simply an abdication of my role and duties - I won't go there).
2. Every family should decide on an acceptable standard of housekeeping. If your husband likes the house to be clean and tidy with nothing out of place when he arrives home from work but you prefer to live in a creative mess, then there's going to have to be some compromise. My suggestion is that you may have to work hard at ensuring one room - perhaps the living room - meets his expectations. And he may have to realise that when you're home all day with children that it's impossible to have your home looking like a magazine cover (does anyone's house ever look like that in real life anyway?). For our family this was never a big issue: my housekeeping standards are generally much higher than my husband's expectations. He however does have some funny quirks: such as failing to see that the floors are spotless, the windows shining, no speck of dust to be seen anywhere, and not a thing out of place but noticing the cobwebs in the corners. I've had to learn to pay more attention to cobwebs!
3. Children can help with housework from an early age. I know, I know, sometimes it's easier to do it yourself but we're not doing our kids any favours by not including them. Through helping with housework children learn valuable skills (they're not going to be at home for the rest of their lives - one day they very well may need to know how to clean a toilet or make a bed) and build character traits (such as perseverance when they complete an uninspiring job).
At the beginning of each year I usually draw up a chore chart for my children but with the recent changes to our household, I still haven't done this. I need to sit down with them and figure out a way that works for everyone and then perhaps I won't feel that I'm going crazy trying to do it all myself (see, I said I was doing it badly at the moment - I don't even practice what I preach).
4. Home is where the heart is. Your house doesn't have to be the flashest in the street to be a home. We live in a ninety-six-year-old house that has a leaky roof, worn carpets, stained wallpaper, and peeling paint. One day - one day - we'll get around to fixing it up - but in the meantime it's home. I don't get upset about knocks or spills because no one will notice them anyway! Nor do I allow myself to focus on all the faults of our home (and 'allow' is the operative word because some days - not many I'm pleased to admit - it's hard not to focus on everything that is wrong with our house).
If your home sounds like mine there are two important things you can do to make it a home (and I'll start with the lesser one first):
Beautify it. It may be quilts (I have them on beds, walls, sofas, anywhere), cross-stitch pieces, photos, flowers, children's drawings, etc. Even an empty bottle with a few flowers is better than nothing. Do whatever you can to make your home beautiful even if you can't tackle the more expensive repairs such as replacing the roof or the carpet. Look at the small things that you can do something about and you might be surprised at the difference. And attack those household chores for a clean home is more appealing than a dirty messy one (and you thought you'd heard the last of housework).
Attitude. There are homes out there that are the latest in fashion and technology and yet are cold and lifeless inside. Make your home a place where family and friends want to be. Focus on what's important - people - and forget about that outlandish orange wallpaper with flowers the size of dinner plates. There is nothing more beautiful than a home filled with love and laughter, where the family members know they are valued and respected, where the parents are not interested in temporal things, but are building up treasures in heaven. That's what truly makes a home and that's our role as keepers of the home.
Comments
Thanks.
When my husband and I first married, I asked him what should come first, cleaning or cooking. Cooking won, hands down. My natural tendency is to clean, clean, clean, so this was good to know. :)