Before I went to Australia I watched Fireproof, a story about a firefighter who wouldn't think of deserting his colleagues but who thinks nothing of moving away physically and emotionally from the woman he vowed to love forever. The movie is becoming well known in Christian circles and for good reason. It challenges the viewers about their attitudes toward marriage and to recommit to a deeper level of love.
My husband had already seen the movie and so I watched it alone. But he was puzzled to hear me laughing at intervals throughout the movie. He hadn't thought it was funny at all. But when Caleb gave his wife a weedy bunch of flowers and thought it was going to cut it with her ... well every woman knows that's not going to work. I just couldn't help but laugh at his puny attempts - in the beginning - to win his wife back.
Laughter aside, I was impressed with the movie and while in Australia picked up The Love Dare. If I thought this was going to be a piece of cake, I was wrong. For forty days I have to show my love to my spouse. Forty days! At the rate I'm going, it's going to take me 40 weeks!
I got stumped on one of the very early dares: do an unexpected kindness for your spouse. Okay. I racked my brain for two days trying to think of something I could do.
His shed needed cleaning up but I know better than to venture in there. He likes it done a particular way and likes to know where all his tools are ... no, he wouldn't consider that a kindness if I cleaned it up.
The lawns needed mowing but I've never used a lawn mower in my life and anyway he usually gets one of our sons to do that. I figured that let me off the hook.
I regularly take him a cup of tea in bed first thing in the morning (usually because I'm up well before he is). And even though I'm always behind on the ironing, I do wash his clothes and neatly fold them. I've even been known to put them away in his drawers on occasion!
Finally I decided to set his breakfast out on a tray with a freshly made pot of plunger coffee. He didn't eat it in bed (I already knew he hated eating in bed) but he did sit in the sunroom and he did seem to enjoy it.
Whew! That assignment done.
But it got harder. Tonight I had to ask him to list three things about me that he finds irritating or annoying or downright hates. The hard part was that I wasn't allowed to say anything. Nothing. He could say what he liked and I had to remain silent. Just the thought of it made me writhe. But I hadn't reckoned on my husband.
The man couldn't think of three! He couldn't even think of one. He should've had a list a mile long - especially since I was sitting there ready to bite my tongue and not defend myself - and he couldn't even think of three. In the end I had to tell him three things about myself that I know annoy him just so that I could write that assignment off too!
Now before you all think I'm some wonderful saint who never does anything wrong, let me put you straight. I am very human and as a human I have many faults. Many. It's just that my husband seems to forget about those faults once the moment has passed. Unlike women who keep a mental list of all the times their husbands let them down, my husband forgets them. Forgets!
Am I blessed or what?
But if I can dare to hope for one thing it's this: that the next 35 days are easier than the first five!
Comments
Thank you for sharing a bit about the Love Dare book. I've heard about the book but hadn't read any stories about it.
"I liked the movie, but found that the majority of it was based in giving things. That works for some couples.
We read the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman and found the different ways that we speak love to our spouse. At the end of the book is a type of quiz and narrows down which language is your primary. Receiving Gifts was at the bottom of my list! I do like getting gifts, but one sweet word from my husband and I melt! I found his love language as well and our relationship and communication has improved dramatically!!
I read the book "Created To Be His Help Meet" which is mainly based on giving in acts of service. If this is your hubby's love language, then things will work. If not, then all that hard work goes unnoticed (or lightly noticed) and all the expectations of doing the "right thing" for your husband ends in those evils of bitterness and resentment.
So, I guess I'm just trying to say: don't get upset if the Fireproof way is tough or doesn't quite work. Once you read the Love Language book and find your hubby's and your love language you will be able to find the easy way of making things better! This is from my personal experience in trying to be a better wife. I'm telling you, THIS is the easy way! It opened my eyes in how I was actually hurting my husband by my behaviour! It's much easier than having all your faults laid out. My hubby's very forgiving also, I think you and I torment ourselves thinking the wrongs we've done need some sort of penance, rather than accepting our husband's and God's forgiveness!"