This year I had plans for DH and I to recreate a photo from our earlier dating days. The original plan was to do it on our wedding anniversary ... but it ended up being a busy day and, being rather shy about having our photo taken, we didn't want to do it with lots of people around. We then thought we could do it on my birthday weekend, which fell three weeks after our wedding anniversary. Except I ended up in hospital and put paid to all DH's plans for that weekend.
A few days ago I suggested we could do it this weekend when our church joined with several others to celebrate marriage. The day began with a yummy barbecue followed by a cruise on a paddle steamer and I had [mistakenly] thought it would provide a wonderful opportunity for photos. Except I forgot there would be ... people. So, it still hasn't happened and probably won't now despite buying a skirt and top that closely resembled the original and convincing DH to buy several new shirts (a herculean effort on my part, believe me!)
But it really doesn't matter. Despite the weather, the cruise was enjoyable and we got to meet some wonderful couples (although the knowledge that we were possibly one of the longest married - perhaps even the longest married - couples was rather sobering: how did we get to be this old?)
All this talk about marriage leads me to something that has been on my mind for a few weeks now and which I haven't known whether to address or not. But I've decided I can no longer remain quiet.
Recently in blog posts and articles online there has been some controversy around a well-known pastor who advised a grandmother to attend the same-sex marriage of a beloved grandchild. A book that was shared with me a few weeks ago took the same stance. The premise was that the grandchild would know how the grandmother felt and that it was important to preserve the relationship.
Now, I'm all about relationship. I talk about its importance almost daily in my job. I hurt for those families where there has been broken relationship - in whatever form. But I have struggled with this idea - belief even - that the relationship is worth more than one's principles and faith.
Jesus said in Luke 14:26: "If any man come to Me and hate not his father and mother, and wife and children, and brethren and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple."
Obviously, Jesus didn't expect us to hate our family members. In other parts of the Bible we are told to honour our parents, and to love others. Jesus cared for His earthly family to the point that even as He was dying, He ensured His mother would receive care. He expects no less of us. But in this verse, He was making the point that discipleship comes at a cost. And that our relationship with Him is first priority - that we must put Him first over all other relationships.
We know that He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. What was called sin two thousand years ago, is still sin today. The plan for marriage that began in Genesis still holds true for today.
I think I understand why the pastor - and the others I referred to - wanted to affirm the relationship. Relationships are important and when things go wrong, sadly they may never be restored. I have seen it happen in those close to me and it is extremely difficult. It is something I would want to avoid at all costs.
But there is also something else going on here. As Christians, we know and understand that marriage is sacred. It was God who said that it wasn't good for Adam to be alone, and it was God who made him a suitable helper. Jesus also said, when challenged about divorce, "Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female ... For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh?" (Matthew 19:4-5).
Marriage between a man and a woman is holy. It was ordained by God in the beginning. And what God has called holy, we should not treat casually. Those in the Bible who treated the holy profanely were punished. We can argue that we are no longer under law but under grace, but God doesn't change. We can't pretend that something He has called sin is sacred and expect to remain unscathed.
When we attend a wedding we are giving our assent and support to the couple, celebrating with them the new life they are about to embark on as one. I felt at my own wedding that the guests were more than just spectators but witnesses to the union that was taking place. Many of them, I know, would have prayed for our marriage over the years.
In the instance of a same-sex marriage, by our very attendance, are we not endorsing the sin? We might disagree in our hearts and heads about what is occurring, but our presence tells others otherwise. If it were simply a housewarming or a birthday celebration, it might be a different matter. But something that is clearly against God's Word ... I humbly suggest that as Christians this is one of those times when, as difficult as it might be to hurt those we love, our first and foremost priority is to our relationship with Jesus Christ.
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