I had a friend who once said that recipe books and marriage self-help books were like fairytales. Whether true or not, I'd like to add to the list those videos that claim you can clean your house in an hour. Twelve rooms, five minutes each, and your house is done.
With increasingly more hours and stress at work, I've started rebelling against the idea of spending my Saturday cleaning the house. Anything that promises I can get it done in record time is worth trying.
Twelve rooms. If I lump the two verandas together (and with all the pollen that is about at the moment they definitely need cleaning and qualify to be in the tally), and the two hallways and front entrance together, and the laundry and back entrance, then I have twelve rooms.
Five minutes per room. Five minutes to tidy, dust, and vacuum each of the bedrooms and living areas. Five minutes to clean the bathroom fixtures, vacuum, and wash the floors. Five minutes to remove an inch of pollen from the veranda surfaces. Five minutes to clean the kitchen sink, wipe down the kitchen cupboards and splashbacks, vacuum and wash the floor.
The first time I tried it, approximately four hours later I was done. I might not be a fit thirty-something with perfect makeup running around calling this my workout, but surely I can't be that slow compared to others?
Take two, DH and I did it together. Admittedly we had just said goodbye to a houseful and there were several beds to be made up and no skimping on the bedrooms but together we did it in two hours. I felt a little better about my time after that.
But you know what they say about the third time, right? This time I decided to unofficially keep track of where the time went.
I started in the kitchen. Before getting into the cleaning, I made yogurt and a cup of tea. Five minutes gone already. Rather than proceeding to the next room as suggested, I decided to finish the kitchen. Half an hour later and it was done except for the floors. (Frankly, if I'm going to spend three minutes wrestling the vacuum cleaner out of the cupboard only to discover it needs a new bag, I'm going to be doing all the floors in one go.)
Next, was the dining room, which hardly qualifies to be a room of its own since there is so little to be done in there. I did the dusting and pondered why there was a rock on the side table: three minutes. Certainly, I'm on track in here. But then I realised the French doors needed cleaning, and once outside, it seemed prudent to check the washing line to ensure the washing wasn't all over the backyard since the wind had picked up. Back inside and I couldn't find the duster I had used in the dining room. Wasted five minutes searching for it before going and getting another. Time that had elapsed: approximately twenty minutes. Tally so far: 50 minutes. Only ten minutes left to complete the rest of the house. I need to pick up my pace.
Family room went according to plan although I did spend some time rearranging the photo books but gave the top of the bookcase a miss (no one is going to see up there anyway). Time: approximately ten minutes. I'm one hour in and I've only managed three rooms and not even attempted the floors yet.
Skipped to the hallway, front entrance and front sitting room. Resisted the urge to play the piano but did cave and look through our anniversary book. Time elapsed: approximately twenty minutes. Tally: 80 minutes.
Whizzed around the three spare bedrooms with a duster, not forgetting the skirting boards or windowsills. Time: approximately fifteen minutes. Decided to get the sewing machine out and fix the quilt cover for our bed. Had a few moments of panic when I couldn't find the pedal. Had I even picked it up from the shop when I had my machine serviced last month? Found it and proceeded to pin (ten minutes) and sew (five minutes). Found the missing duster when I unplugged the sewing machine. Managed to get the cover back onto the quilt without thinking evil thoughts and took a moment to admire how much better it looks now. Finished cleaning our room: ten minutes. Tally: 120 minutes.
DH came home while I was folding laundry. This time not included in the tally. DH offered to vacuum after he had a cup of coffee.
Cleaned two bathrooms and laundry: approximately twenty minutes. Tally: 140 minutes. Then proceeded to vacuum the whole house and tried not to feel too virtuous for doing it. Time taken: approximately twenty minutes. Tally: 160 minutes.
Called it quits. Still undone: two verandas and washing the floors. Estimated time to complete: approximately twenty minutes - which brings the total tally to 180 minutes, or three hours. Which ever way I look at it - or attempt it - it seems I just cannot clean my home in one hour. But, as with fairytales, I guess I can always dream.
And meanwhile, outside beckons with Spring having now officially arrived in the Southern Hemisphere. It's going to be even harder now to focus on cleaning inside.
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