I'll Admit It

I've gone from scared to petrified.

Amend that to absolutely petrified. And I don't know what to do about it.

When I started writing a novel I did it because I love writing. I can't help myself. I just want to write. And when I write I'm in a different world and lose track of time completely. It's wonderful!

When I sent my manuscript off I never expected it to be accepted. I knew the chances of an unknown author getting published and they were pretty close to zilch. So when I heard from the publisher it was exhilarating!

Now, with the publication of the book getting closer, it's no longer wonderful or exhilarating. Instead, it's scary. Very very scary.

What if people don't like it?

What if someone I know reads it and they get upset? Or offended?

What if someone thinks I've put them in the book?

What if my kids are embarrassed to admit they're related to me? (Okay, rub that one out. I've got teenagers. Of course, they're embarrassed by their Mum.)

What if people think I'm not good enough to be published?

What if ...?

I lie awake at night hoping I don't end up making my family ashamed of me. Wondering if I'll still be able to face the people I work with. And my friends.

I tell you, this isn't at all what I expected.

But I have to remind myself that when I sent that MS off I placed it in the Lord's Hands. I believed that whatever happened would be His will. So if I trusted Him back then with the MS why am I trying to take it back now?

... being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6, NIV).