Life has a way of happening. I had planned to do several follow up posts after our wedding anniversary as I think it's important to celebrate marriage - particularly within the church - and to acknowledge that those marriages that make it to ten, twenty, thirty years, and beyond, don't do so because of luck or because they happened to marry the right person, but because of an understanding that marriage takes love and commitment and keeping God at the centre, and a willingness and resolve to put in the hard work and keep going.
But, as I mentioned, life has a way of happening. Between returning to work, and a sick granddaughter (she's doing well now), and a grandson hospitalised (he's home again), and what feels like unprecedented summer temperatures that sap energy and motivation, I just didn't seem to be able to find time or energy to devote to writing blog posts. Consequently, what I had planned is going to get dumped into this one post.
For our anniversary celebration last weekend, I put together 400 photos from the last four decades. I probably enjoyed the memories they evoked more than the guests who bravely endured the entire slideshow (truly, it was optional and just playing in the background the whole time). But as I searched and scanned and looked for photos both digitally and in print (yes, we've been married that long), I noticed something interesting.
The First Decade was the decade of bringing new life into the world. Son#1 entered one year, one week, and one day after we were married; Son#2 came along 19 months later; 38 months later and Son#3 arrived; 23 months later Son#4 made his entrance; and, finally, although technically in the second decade since he arrived 20 days after our tenth wedding anniversary, we welcomed Son#5 28 months after his brother.
The Third Decade was the decade of celebration. Graduations. Weddings. The arrival of several grandchildren. There were a lot of reasons to celebrate and be thankful during the third decade.
Finally, the Fourth Decade saw expansion. More grandchildren joined the family. And more beautiful daughters. DH and I broadened our horizons and travelled together. Several books were published. Our home became the gathering point when family returned but it no longer nurtured younger members on a regular basis.
But I've missed a decade.
The Second Decade.
As I looked through photos - and looked again and again to find photos to include so that this decade wasn't so obviously disproportionately less than other decades in terms of images - I realised that this decade had been the decade when we had knuckled down and raised our kids. There were less of the really big highlights, and more of the grind; less photos of particular events or celebrations, and more of family picnics or camping.
As I was arranging the photos, I began to call this decade The Plodding Years. DH and I got in and got our hands dirty, raising, training, loving, correcting, guiding, leading. The really important stuff but also the often-not-praised stuff. The bits that really count but which can be so hard to maintain day in and day out especially when you wonder if you're making a difference.
And in the middle of all that, maintaining a marriage. When life seems so humdrum with no break in sight, when date nights are scarce or non-existent and romance is a blurred memory, when money is tight and time seems even tighter, when you're wondering if you will ever learn patience/love/self-control as you lose it yet once again with a spouse or child. When you're just plodding along to get to the finish line.
Just when you feel as if you'll be plodding forever, that finish line has a way of appearing far more quickly than you expected. You turn the corner, and it's there, and you move into the next phase. But, as I have discovered, those years of plodding are essential. It's during the plodding years that you are planting values, teaching and training, loving and nurturing. It's during these years that you are leading by example. That your children are observing ever so closely to see if you do what you say, if you really live by your own values and beliefs.
And always the family picnics and camping trips that have a way of building memories and closeness. And, while the camping gear may lie idle nowadays, hidden by a layer of dust, the hard work of the plodding years has been rewarded in what we now see as the fruit of our labour: sons in godly marriages, raising their own children and teaching them right from wrong, and persevering through their own plodding years, or looking towards them with hope and steadfastness, knowing that in the end, it's all worth it.
Other Wedding Anniversary Posts
Thirty Years and Here Too
Thirty-Seven Years and Backstory Here
Comments