Blessing or Curse?

Overheard at church yesterday: "My daughter's having her third baby in four years. I hope she's not going to be like [name of a mutual friend who has a large family] and keep going."


It's an understatement to say I was shocked.

Here was someone who is respected in our congregation for her insight and maturity and godliness, and yet she said that. It seems that as Christians we are willing to admit that children are a blessing (as the Bible says) but only if you stop at two or, at the most, three children. After that, people's views seem to change (I suspect as the selfish nature asserts itself).

I'm certainly no stranger to comments like this.

Our first son was born one year and one week and one day after our first wedding anniversary. After the old ladies in the church did the math on their fingers and realised it was 'all right', we started getting hints that we were selfish, immature and irresponsible to have a child so soon after marriage. It would be better if we'd waited until we were more established in our careers or had bought our own home or had made sure our marriage was secure or had done all the things we wanted to do like travel or had saved up more money before we had children, they said.

Very few saw it as a blessing that we were having a child in the first year of marriage. Yet as well as saying that children are a blessing, the Bible also says that the purpose of marriage is to raise godly children. Who has it right? Man in his fallible wisdom, or God?

And it got worst. I can distinctly remember being pregnant with my fourth child and out in public with my other three sons when a complete stranger came up to me and said, "I know what you're trying for." I wanted to say: "I'm sorry, but no you don't. We believe that children are a gift from God and we don't care whether God gives us another son or a daughter." I was outraged that people thought the only reason we were having another child was because we were after one of a particular s*x.

Sadly, Christians were sometimes the worst with their comments. Like the lady who hadn't seen me for a while and then saw me at a funeral and screamed out, "Not again!" Other comments were not always kind or polite.

Then there was the dear old lady who whispered to me after my fifth son was born, "Didn't you want a daughter?" Sometimes you just have to laugh!

However, I will never forget the little girl, about three years of age, who came up to me when I attended church with my fourth son for the first time. Her mother had recently lost a baby at around 15 weeks and wasn't able to have more.

After spending some time looking at this brand new baby, she said, "You have a baby boy."

I agreed it was so.

"Another baby boy."

Yes, that was true.

"You have four boys now."

I couldn't argue with that.

She sighed. "You're so lucky."

I know. I know.

Comments

BellaMama said…
That is the sweetest story! I just want to dwell on the end instead of all the previous writing that, it seems, everyone with more than TWO children gets!!
I guess (especially with Christians) it is just another way to extend forgiveness 70 x 7!!
Ginger said…
What a well written post. I know at my age, my baby is 6 and I just wait on the Lord. My family would be very upset, but praise the Lord God would not be. I am only 30.
Unknown said…
So true! I have a friend who has 4 girls, and she regularly gets negative comments like "Aren't you sad you didn't have a boy?". She sees all her girls as a gift, and gets really upset that people say things like that. It is interesting, but I get the negatives with just having one child too. People think that is a bad thing to have just one child. People can be insensitive, and say nasty things about that too (not knowing WHY we only have one). I loved the end of your story, and how that little girl commented about your boys. That is so incredibly sweet.
SchnauzerMom said…
It amazes me how some people take it upon themselves to tell others how to live their lives. We don't have children and for a long time people kept after us wanting to know when we would have one. You are very blessed to have so many wonderful sons.
Daisy said…
For my dh and I .. children have been a huge blessing. I'm so, soo grateful for the 2 that I have. I've always wanted to be a mother, I them so much. I often admire big families... but at the same time I'm happy with just my 2. I try to mind my own business ...every situation is different ... it doesn't bother me how many children or not that a family has. Just as long as parents do what is required to raise up their children in love and in the way they should go. Isn't that what matters most?
Mrs. Deering said…
You are SO lucky. :)

Blessings.
Christie said…
What a sweet story! I love to see the untainted joy over babies that children have. It's so sad that our society and culture strive to drive it out of them.
Jules said…
Jess from Making Home has writen a post entitled "Some Subtle Effects of the Birth Control Culture". Makes interesting reading and can be found here: ofhttp://makinghome.blogspot.com/2008/09/some-subtle-effects-of-birth-control.html
Anonymous said…
You are a woman after my own heart, Jules. My wife Susan and I have four daughters, ages 21, 22, 26 and 28. Many times we were met with disapproval back in the day. Upbraiding from Christians is especially puzzling. How does the faith grow without new people? One time a woman admonished my wife after a service when my youngest was 2, and she was alone in attendance with the four. She said they had "no place" in church, and Sue should be ashamed! That brought tears, but I told Sue that it was that rude woman who had "no place"in church! Blessings, Bob
busymomof10 said…
That was a beautiful post and so true! I've been on the receiving end of quite a few negative and rude comments over the years, as we have allowed the Lord to give us a few more than the politically correct number of children! :) But, I just remind myself that before God revealed to me His view of children and before He allowed me to get a glimpse of what a Blessing children are, I had the same perspective. Also, I try to use my family size as a platform for ministry, by speaking of the Lord and His control over the womb to those who question or comment. After all, complete strangers wouldn't be talking to me if they weren't astonished by the number of children by my side. So, my goal is to always be ready to give a reason for the hope that lies within me! You just never know how God may use it!